Skip to main content

TERROR - A DIFFERENT SLANT


John Cleese
 From the United Kingdom comes a different viewpoint on the never ending terror threats.  Thanks to the famous British writer, actor and tall person John Cleese: 

ALERTS TO TERROR THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE - BY JOHN CLEESE

"The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from 'Miffed' to 'Peeved' or even 'A Bit Cross'.  The English have not been 'A Bit Cross' since the Blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.  Terrorists have been re-categorized from 'Tiresome' to 'A Bloody Nuisance'.  The last time the British issued a 'Bloody Nuisance' warning level was in 1588 when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from 'Pissed Off' to 'Let's get the Bastards' .  They don't have other threat levels.  This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from 'Run' to 'Hide'.  The only two higher levels in France are 'Collaborate' and 'Surrender'.  The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from 'Shout Loudly and Excitedly' to 'Elaborate Military Posturing'.  Two more levels remain 'Ineffective Combat Operations' and 'Change Sides'.

The Germans have increased their alert state from 'Disdainful Arrogance' to 'Dress in Uniforms and Sing Marching Songs'.  They also have two higher levels: 'Invade a Neighbor' and 'Lose'.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.  These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile has raised its security level from 'No worries' to 'She'll be alright, Mate'.  Two more escalation levels remain: 'Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend' and 'The barbie is canceled'.  So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level."  John Cleese.

Well what can one say, John Cleese gives it to everyone, starting out with his fellow Brits.  The truth is of course their is just a small element of truth in all this based on the non-decisions and wimpy behaviour of these Governments in recent years.

Good Watch.

Please remember the seafarers held captive by pirates off Somalia - let us work with India to free them.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

PAINT LOCKER FIRES

The photographs above are revealing in several ways, lets have a look. Clearly the Japanese Maritime Self Defence Force (JMSDF) vessel JS "Kurama" impacted the Korean container ship MS "Carina Star" just aft of the turn of the fo'cs'le on the Starboard side. Please note that's the Starboard side, thus it appears JS "Kurama" would have shown "Carina Star" the red port sidelight and "Carina Star" would have shown JS "Kurama" the green starboard sidelight. This impact point would tend to suggest that JS "Kurama" was the 'stand-on' vessel and the MS "Carina Star" is the 'giving-way' vessel. Until there is a complete plot of the tracks made good of both these vessels and the position in the Kanmon Strait of the point of collision no determination can actually be made. As a result of this impact there was severe bow damage to JS "Kurama" and in addition a massive f

HOW TO WEAR A LIFEJACKET

A popular U.S.-based cruise ship style A popular European ferry style Several times during the year NAUTICAL LOG has had visitors searching for lifejacket instructions. With two just over Christmas we decided to publish something for everybody to see and read. Choose a Coast Guard approved life-jacket and make sure it is undamaged. Make sure life-jackets are readily accessible, never locked away. Check the fit, there are adult, child and infant sizes, the correct one MUST be used. Choose bright colour life-jackets so as to be seen easily by Search and Rescue (SAR). Put your life-jacket ON BEFORE you leave the berth. Make sure you have a light and whistle attached AND they BOTH WORK. Good Watch

BOUILLABAISSE

TAAF Service vessel operated by CMA CGM TAAF Regional flag Well now let us see if here at NAUTICAL LOG we have got a grasp on things simmering in the pot. It seems that when the anti-whaling campaign started out some years ago it was between Greenpeace, the Sea Shepherds and the Japanese whaling fleet. The Australians came down to their own Southern Ocean Territory in a chartered civilian vessel one year. Beyond taking photographs and returning some Sea Shepherds to their ship the MS "Steve Irwin" not much was accomplished. The Greenpeace crowd then dropped out and Animal Planet boarded the MS "Steve Irwin" to shoot 'reality TV' and so Whale Wars came into being. This resulted in some deplorable behaviour on all sides and some appalling exhibitions of seamanship - or rather total lack of seamanship by the Sea Shepherds. But now there was money coming in which could be spent on - well nobody really knows what the money is spent on. New Zealand made it q